Support for Survivors
Resources
- The South Carolina Coalition Against Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault (SCCADVASA) is a statewide coalition made up of the 23 domestic violence and sexual assault advocacy organizations in South Carolina. Since 1981, SCCADVASA has been a leader in representing the critical needs of survivors and their families.
Things that can help
- Don’t minimalize the victimization.
- Don’t assume that because the survivor is not acting a specific way that the survivor was not affected by the victimization – survivors react differently: some cry, some act stoic, some are quiet, some laugh, etc.
- Let the survivor know you care.
- Maintain your composure. The survivor is aware of your reactions.
- Don’t judge the survivor. The survivor did not cause the victimization – the assailant did.
- Just listen. Silence is okay.
- Tell the survivor that you are sorry that it happened.
- Understand that the survivor will have good and bad days.
- Give the survivor time to heal. Don’t expect the survivor to “snap out of it” quickly. S/he may still need to talk about it with you or have your support weeks, months or even a year from now.
- Give the survivor a list of resources that can help.
- Don’t confront the person who hurt the survivor.
- Don’t try to use the incident as a teaching moment for the survivor.
- Maintain their privacy by not telling other friends – no one wants to be the topic of the rumor mill.
- Encourage them to report it but make sure not to take control of the situation. Respect their wishes with regard to telling others.
- Do encourage them to get counseling.
- Encourage them to get medical assistance if s/he has been physically or sexually assaulted.
Words that help
- You are safe now.
- I’m sorry this happened.
- This is not your fault; nothing you did (or didn’t do) makes you deserve this. It is the fault of the assailant who chose to do wrong.
- I’m glad you told me.
- How can I/we help you feel safer?
- I’m proud of you for sharing this with me.
- Would it help to talk to someone who works with victims of crime?
- I believe you.
- I’ll support your decisions.
- If you ever want to talk, even weeks or months from now, I’m here for you.
Words that harm
- You are lucky you were only _______. There is nothing lucky about becoming a victim.
- This wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t ___________.
- I told you not to: go to that party, date that person, hang out with those people.
- Just forget it ever happened.
- Get over it.
- This is private. No one needs to know
- Do not to think about it anymore.
- I can’t believe you are not over it by now.